Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Poem Edit 3

poem I read in class:

Secretary.
Waitress.
Girl in blue,orange,brown.
Walks by Stage Right.
Runs Stage Left.
never stops.
Wings
warts
gray hair
burns
blood
mask.
She points and laughs and cries.
Cue the music.
It's a simple dance.

edited poem:

Secretary.
Waitress.
Girl in blue,orange,brown.
Walks by Stage Right.
Runs Stage Left.
never stops.
Wings
gray hair
masks.
She points and laughs and cries.
Cue the music.
It's a simple dance.

1 comment:

  1. Regarding your “It’s a simple dance” poem: This is probably my favorite poem of yours so far. Very nice, indeed. I think your edited version is better – but there’s something about the “list,” and though it’s shorter, it’s still there. Maybe it’s more that I’m just not sure what “wings / gray hair / masks” refer to. Is it part of a character she puts on? I’m assuming so, but there isn’t a clear reference. Just a thought for you to stay awake at night and think about....

    ReplyDelete