poem I read in class:
Here comes the beat
count it ...one two three
silence.
Gasp for air
and just continue
don't worry
keep going
it's bound to happen
here comes the second beat
count it...one two three
Don't slow down
keep the momentum
wait for the next one
here we go
you know the routine
stick to the plan
don't let the silence, silence.
and edited poem:
The beat
count it...one two three
gasp for air
and continue
here comes the second beat
slow down
but keep the momentum
wait
know your lines.
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I like this poem. I like the idea of movement. There are certain phrases that you took out that were actually good. The edited version is good but I believe there is still some good lines in the original. For an example in the first couple of words I would have done this.
ReplyDeleteHere comes the beat
count it ...one two three
Gasp for air
don't worry
keep going
count it...one two three
keep the momentum
know the routine
don't let the silence, silence.
That is just a suggestion. I feel like you know what you are doing with this poem but there are some good lines. Check it out.